One of the hardest things about life is having to accept the change that continues to happen each and every day whether we want to or not. We know that change is constant. It is necessary in most cases to survive in this world. It can be for our betterment if we let it, or it can be to our demise. But it’s our choice. One of my favorites, American poet and great civil rights activist, Maya Angelou once said:
If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou
And in all honesty, that is exactly what we have to do. Even if we don’t like it, or want to accept it. We have to overcome our own selfish expectations and desires to allow change that most of the time benefit someone else. Why? One, because God tells us we have to love one another (John 15:12) and to do unto others as we would have them do to us (Luke 6:31). But secondly, because if we don’t, then we continue to hurt ourselves by being overtaken by the pain and bitterness that usually overtakes us with the changes that we have no control over.
I have been a mother now for over fourteen years. I have two amazing boys, ages 14 and 7, who God has blessed me with to help me not only grow myself in patience, and compassion; but for me to help them grow into the loving men of God who they were created to be. The past 3-4 years though have been full of change for us. I can now say that these were changes all for the better, but I cannot say that these changes were easy by any means. When I made one of, if not the, hardest decision of my life in November of 2019 to divorce my husband of almost 12 years, it was filled with constant chaos and change. I went from being a mother 110% of the time, because we all know that as a mom we are always on overtime…, to only being able to be there for them half of the time. And this crushed my soul. Ultimately the only one thing I truly aspired to be in life, was the absolute best mother I possibly could be. And that was changing now due to a decision that unfortunately had to be made.
That brings us to this picture and the first day in thirteen years I had ever missed being with either one of my children on their birthdays. I can honestly still feel the emotions build up of that morning. Thoughts of regret, pain, bitterness, and hate spiraling in all different directions, because I felt that I was being punished for protecting myself, and my family. But I wasn’t being punished… other than by my own self for allowing these thoughts and emotions to overcome and control me. I was simply being selfish. See it was Wednesday and this particular mornings’ school drop off consisted of only a few pre-birthday toys, long hugs, many kisses, and long apologies for not being able to be there with my baby the next day for him to wake up to fun birthday surprises and shenanigans on his special day. I assure you it hurt me way more than it did him. And in all honesty, we know that his dad deserves his special moments with him just as much as I do.
See, some days are harder than others. We all have them, but most of the time we sugar coat them or try to hide them. Lord help us if we show the world we’re human, reek of sin and flaws and don’t live the perfect life that I assure you doesn’t exist. And this was just another one of those days for me. Change sucks sometimes. It hurts. But it’s part of life and necessary for growth. It is part of learning to let go. Part of that decision I made to save myself. Part of trusting God in all things. 
My encouragement to you? Remember this… you’re allowed to have bad days. There are going to be a lot of them in this chaotic world. Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to cry, and scream if you need to. Go on a walk. But always give it to God first. Then wipe your face, and keep trusting Him to cover you with the peace he promises us when we are faithful.
